Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Cameron's cuts

Warning: contains mixed metaphors. The following piece gets away from me a bit: I started talking about a barber, then monarchs, then moved into a house, moved into madhouse, and visited a toy shop, but then it is Christmas.


Prime Ministers sometimes get confused and think they’re Absolute Monarchs. (Remember Maggie Thatcher on the steps of number ten announcing: “We are a grandmother.”? The poor old deluded absolute eejit, sure God love her.)

So David Cameron may have gone to Eton but I’m afraid now his whole Upstairs Downstairs world is looking a bit topsy-turvy as he has taken a job as a civil servant working for us tax payers.

He’s our butler managing our resources, but he’s no Jeeves coming up with elegant solutions. He and his ilk have one solution that they apply to everything willy-nilly: “the logic of the market” also known as “the economics of the madhouse”.

Into this madhouse they take something like our flawed but wonderful NHS and look at it and think about what to do with it.

Then like Bagpuss and his crack team of toy-menders, they walk around it, singing “we will fix it, we will fix it” but really they can’t understand what they are looking at because they are all in BUPA.

But these Tory boys don’t let ignorance stop them from having a jolly confident bash at sorting it out: usually with a rallying cry of “cuts!” followed by a frenzied attack with scissors.

We can’t let these rampaging posh wallies destroy such a hard won precious progressive resource as our NHS just because they aren’t capable of understanding its value.

Being a melodramatic drama queen I’m tempted to go round to number ten with a good sharp pair of scissors and a perforated line drawn across my throat announcing: “Here, Cameron, start your cuts here, because I’m costing the NHS a wee fortune.”

It’s what they’re doing anyway if they make four per cent cuts: they’re killing people.
This is barbarism.  

I’m heading off now this morning to the Royal Free to start my very expensive chemotherapy. I have no idea what it costs but I know that Dr Alison Jones has fought to get it for me. And I know that I am not doffing my cap and receiving charity. These drugs are paid for from my taxes and your taxes in a progressive system that Beveridge dreamt up to ensure universal access to healthcare for all.  Don’t let Cameron fuck it up on us! Please!


  1. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, you have to leave behind the baggage of the last century. We're all in this together, you know. In fact we're all so in this together, Sam Cameron had her sprog in a bus shelter in Oldham and has named him Tyler and looks after him herself except when she has to nip down for her methadone in the morning and Dave is out shoplifting for his gear money

  2. Never was a metaphor mixed so elegantly. Nice one Kel - They really don't like it up 'em you know!

  3. Bravo. What’s the free market, but where freedom’s sold. Bought and sold for English gold. The Tories want to get rid of our ‘sense of entitlement.’ But where’s mine? Where's my sense of entitlement?

  4. Kel we need u in number 10 to fight for the NHS as them d**ks don't understand the meaning of what it truly means to be sick and depending on the NHS to help us Live! Without the drugs, doctors and nurses my son wouldn't be alive along with a lot of other people. That scan being not rebooked was a bloody disaster, that was out of order and someone needs to made pay 4 that!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Being a rage demon with people dosen't do any harm, they may think ur a pain in the arse but u get listened 2, i should no i've done it!!!

    Hope ur chemo ain't 2 bad, need to go do some housework work off this rage! Poor Hoover!

    LOve ya xoxoxo